My 20 Favorite Songs Ever.

Arranged in order of the artists' names (thanks, iPod!)

1. Don't Follow by Alice In Chains (1994)

The song I want played at my funeral. No, really.

2. Beauty And The Beast by David Bowie (1977)

Bowie's best rocker is also his weirdest. Are we at all surprised?

3. Silver Moon by David Sylvian (1986)

Cancel out what my co-worker Jesse Locke calls the "Red Shoe Diaries saxophone solo" and you have an absolutely perfect love song.

4. Romantic Rights by Death From Above 1979 (2004)

This, on the other hand, is just pure, bottomless horniness. Sleazily invigorating.

5. Master And Servant by Depeche Mode (1984)

Thank you, Depeche Mode. Thank you for inventing Nine Inch Nails.

6. Serious by Duran Duran (1990)

Disposable pop heaven. This song lasted me a whole summer.

7. Last Cup Of Sorrow by Faith No More (1997)

It's rare that you'll find the word "uplifting" mentioned in the same sentence as "Mike Patton" (Faith No More's lead singer, but you knew that), and that's precisely why this song works so well. Dark bands write the best happy songs.

8. Tell Me You Love Me by Frank Zappa (1970)

Zappa's genius wouldn't have meant shit if he couldn't rock out occasionally. And he did. Viciously.

9. Rubicon by Killing Joke (1986)

To date, Killing Joke are the only band I can think of who ended their obligatory arena-baiting '80s sellout album with a song welcoming nuclear holocaust with open arms. Gotta love 'em.

10. What Your Soul Sings by Massive Attack (2003)

And how my soul sings when I hear it.

11. Everybody Is Dead by Microdisney (1984)

Too many of my favorite songs sound like they could be on the Weather Channel.

12. And All That Could Have Been by Nine Inch Nails (2002)

Most depressing song. By anyone. Ever.

13. Aneurysm by Nirvana (1991)

Everything you're supposed to like about Nirvana in less than five minutes. Admit it, this grinds Smells Like Teen Spirit into the dirt.

14. Home Sweet Home by Peter Gabriel (1978)

This one deserves its own damn essay. The wordless howling near the end might be the most heartwrenching vocal performance ever put to tape.

15. Never Say Never by Romeo Void (1982)

Otherwise known as I MIGHT LIKE YOU BETTER IF WE SLEPT TOGETHER, I MIGHT LIKE YOU BETTER IF WE SLEPT TOGETHER. Anyone else think these guys were one of the most underrated new wave bands of all time?

16. Don't Take Me Alive by Steely Dan (1976)

Steely Dan don't have bad songs, per se - just ones with better guitar solos than others. And this one has the best.

17. Call It Sleep by Steve Vai (1984)

Speaking of guitar solos, here's my favorite. I realize that Steve Vai is kind of a tool, but man... this just kills me.

18. Straighten Out by The Stranglers (1977)

People questioned wether The Stranglers really counted as "punk". They responded by kicking your ass.

19. Kentucky Avenue by Tom Waits (1978)

My favorite song, actually. Why? Because it makes me cry. Every goddamned time.

20. Pretty Good Year by Tori Amos (1994)

Anthony met his feminine side. We hugged it out.